Its been a little over 4 years since things in my life started to stop going wrong.
Cyclothymia is a form of bi polar disorder, and undiagnosed and unmediated, it caused some really odd thoughts and behaviours.
I could go into details about some of the insane things I did, the stupid choices I made and the horrible rut I was in, but I want this writing to be somewhat inspiring, and none of that is!
What is a little more interesting is the fast forward, white knuckle, soul searching journey that has resulted in me finally feeling like I have control of life, the journey I'm on and the direction I'm heading.
The first massive thing I did to start moving forward was to realise that being messed up was horribly selfish. Hurting myself, being self destructive, only harmed me in the short term. Soon after I was on to doing the next crazy thing, but to my family, friends, the NHS, Police, well, pretty much anyone that had to deal with me, the effects were longer lasting.
I lived for myself and invested all of my time and energy on myself. All I had to show for all of that time and energy was scars, debt and a criminal record, because it all went in totally the wrong direction.
In 2010, in a moment of clarity I signed up to a program called VTalent Year. It was 44 weeks of full time voluntary work with young people. I was initially placed working with a Princes Trust Team, a group of 12 disengaged young people aged 16-25. They came from lots of walks of life and each in a worse situation than mine. I moved from there to the work based learning department, working with an even wider range of young people and developing even more empathy for them. I realised for the first time in my life that I actually had the potential to do something positive for someone else. With just words, consistency or support, I could be someone who could make a difference, without gaining anything for myself.
I spent 3 years working with young people in the end, I had countless amazing experiences and learnt more about myself that I ever taught.
The other massive, massive difference in my life in this time, that made a huge difference to my lifestyle and Outlook was I found someone else to live for. It may be cliché and sound contrived, but being in love and being loved was life changing. One of the most selfless things we can do as people into love another. Having someone else to be well for and to be happy for gave me an extra drive to move forward in life.
This whole process of self improvement has taught me to be reflective, introspective and observant to the way I feel. I've made mistakes along the way that have held me back and I've done some things right. Every day is a new challenge and I either learn from the failures or identify the reasons for success.
What's the blog?
In this blog, I'm going to try and outline the things I've learnt, and try to explain how to implement them, should you the reader find them useful.
I'm aware I'm not the world's best role model. I know I'm not off doing aid work, I know I'm not the CEO of a multi national company. However, I know I'm fundamentally a decent, respectable person that strives to create a harmonious and positive environment around me, as wide reaching as possible, and so far that had brought me from darkness, to a place I'm happy to be. Hopefully what I write in this blog might help you achieve more positivity in your life too.
1. Don't be selfish
Often we're told things like "look after number one" "put yourself first".
While it's all good and well to prioritise personal wellbeing, ask yourself the question "can I achieve what I need to by helping someone else?" this way of thinking is very different from a what's in it for me attitude. By revising the transaction, you priority is focused on somebody else, and the personal gains are a side effect. In business sales used to be achieved by using clever techniques and word play to convince people to buy. These days a much more modern approach is used. Sales people are now consultants and there just to assist the customer. By providing a solution to a customers problem, helping them identify a need and finding something to provide the answer, the goal of the sales person is achieved, but all along the focus has been on helping the customer with their problems.
It's also important to understand that everyone we meet knows something we don't. Every person has a skill or talent we don't. Sometimes we don't know we need something from someone, but we might never know what they could do for us, or how they could add to our lives, unless we engage with them first. By taking the time to listen to someone, by helping them with something or sharing some knowledge with them, we've opened a door to everything they have to offer and the value of our lives and our connections has just increased.
You may be the kind of person that never listens to your own advice, but I guarantee the more times you give advice, the more it will sink in in your own head!
