Longevity

It's all well and good to work hard at being at better you, but it's near enough pointless to be great for a matter of hours, days, weeks or months, you need to be the best you forever. 

One of the biggest things I learnt about myself when learning to overcome my problems was what I can and can't do. I learned how to look after myself, alone, without the need to rely on others. This has transpired into me forming habits that have lasted, and seen me through to today.

Firstly, I learned what external influences are bad for me. For example, alcohol and me do not mix. This was a hard pill to swallow at the age of 21, when all I and everyone around me wanted to do was drink. Drinking single handedly lead to all of the worst moments I can recall. Waking up in hospital in paper clothes, with all my possessions, missing, broken or stained in vomit/alcohol, offending and alienating multiple close friends, failed relationships and ultimately appearing in court! All of that came about because of alcohol.

I was never by any means your typical alcoholic, but I was very much an addict, in that I never knew when to stop. A quiet pint in my language was actually making it home that night. I had no shut off, no "enough's enough". It came to a point when I realised that telling myself I'd be better wasn't going to work and I simply had to cut that influence out of my life.

During the time after stopping drinking, I started to track my moods and begin to identify what exactly influenced them, or what patterns there was. After a good while it became apparent that my mood changed with the seasons, a condition called Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD to give it it's ironic acronym. I could see from my recordings that around autumn when the nights drew in, my mood when downhill and I became slower and less able to be on top form, and conversely, the summer months lead to more manic and spontaneous behaviour. Every job I have ever left began in the summer and ended in the winter.
To combat this, I invested in a daylight lamp and ensured that I spent as much time as possible outside soaking up sunshine.

Sleep was also a major contributor to my well being. I used to often say "Sleep when you're dead, now is for living" and I often lived of 2-4 hours sleep a night. I'd combat the fatigue this caused with caffeine and other stimulants which just lead to a constant sleep deprived, over stimulated cycle that got me nowhere fast! After changing things and trying to ensure I get a good 6-8 hours sleep, I am much more able to hit the ground running each morning. I also got given a life changing gift this Xmas, a sunlight alarm clock. This little beauty slowly sets over half an hour as you fall asleep, then rises again slowly in the half hour previous to when you have to be up. I always now wake up naturally and without a harsh alarm tone shocking me to sleep. Amazing bit of kit.

In summary, and to generalise on the things I've found work, the most important thing you can do is listen to your body. If its tired, sleep. If you're hungover, stop drinking. If you're restless, do something productive.


Cut out the things you identify are causing you to fall and falter and form lifelong habits, not short term fixes, Don't let anything limit you, or change who you are, after all the goal is to be the best possible you, forever. 

Positivity

Positivity 

We all need to rant. It's in our nature to share what is on our minds and share the burden of life. However there is a line that we need to be aware of.

When does our sharing become moaning and when does our negativity begin to become part of the burden of somebody else's life?

We all know that person that is constantly moaning. Life is always worse for them. Do you generally enjoy that persons company? No, of course you don't. So don't be that person! 

Whist its really important to not hold all these things in, its equally important to share in positive manner. Tell people about what went wrong, but also tell them what you did to solve it!

Make more of a fuss about the good things that happened today!  

Be the kind of person that people want to be around. I know I'm biased, but the most positive person I know is my fiancée. She has a natural ability to make people feel better, she doesn't spend time talking about her negatives, but asks people about their positives. She's a joy to be around for this reason. 

If you spend your time talking negatively, you begin thinking negatively and then feeling negatively and that is detrimental to not only you, but to everyone around you.

Its natural to feel down, frustrated and annoyed, but try to think before you rant and question yourself "How can I say this in a more positive way?" " How can I change how I think about this situation?" 

The more you're able to change your words, the more you'll change your thinking and before long, the positivity becomes a natural part of you mindset.  

Curiosity

What do you collect?
I collect questions.
The beauty of questions is that they can always remain, and can have millions of potential answers. Some answers for, some don't, but that's why its better to collect questions, because while answers are only good when they fit, questions are always important.

These days we have all of the information available to mankind at our finger tips. The answer to a question can be found by a simple Google search, a flick through the relevant Wikipedia page.
But if we resign ourselves to not to ask questions because it's so easy to  find the answer then we still don't really hold the answers.
It's vital to remain curious to move forward in life. Why is he doing so well, how can I do that too? That question has millions of potential answers, but the mere pursuit of any one of the answers leads to you improving your situation.
Is there a better way to do this? By constantly asking a question like this, we can only improve the way we do things.

When you ask questions, you learn more, see more, meet more people, visit more places.
Don't rush to the answer, enjoy the question.

Stay curious.

Rung one

Its been a little over 4 years since things in my life started to stop going wrong.
Cyclothymia is a form of bi polar disorder, and undiagnosed and unmediated, it caused some really odd thoughts and behaviours.
I could go into details about some of the insane things I did, the stupid choices I made and the horrible rut I was in, but I want this writing to be somewhat inspiring, and none of that is!
What is a little more interesting is the fast forward, white knuckle, soul searching journey that has resulted in me finally feeling like I have control of life, the journey I'm on and the direction I'm heading.

The first massive thing I did to start moving forward was to realise that being messed up was horribly selfish. Hurting myself, being self destructive, only harmed me in the short term. Soon after I was on to doing the next crazy thing, but to my family, friends, the NHS, Police, well, pretty much anyone that had to deal with me, the effects were longer lasting.

I lived for myself and invested all of my time and energy on myself. All I had to show for all of that time and energy was scars, debt and a criminal record, because it all went in totally the wrong direction.

In 2010, in a moment of clarity I signed up to a program called VTalent Year. It was 44 weeks of full time voluntary work with young people. I was initially placed working with a Princes Trust Team, a group of 12 disengaged young people aged 16-25. They came from lots of walks of life and each in a worse situation than mine. I moved from there to the work based learning department, working with  an even wider range of young people and developing even more empathy for them. I realised for the first time in my life that I actually had the potential to do something positive for someone else. With just words, consistency or support, I could be someone who could make a difference, without gaining anything for myself.

I spent 3 years working with young people in the end, I had countless amazing experiences and learnt more about myself that I ever taught.

The other massive, massive difference in my life in this time, that made a huge difference to my lifestyle and Outlook was I found someone else to live for. It may be cliché and sound contrived, but being in love and being loved was life changing. One of the most selfless things we can do as people into love another. Having someone else to be well for and to be happy for gave me an extra drive to move forward in life.

This whole process of self improvement has taught me to be reflective, introspective and observant to the way I feel. I've made mistakes along the way that have held me back and I've done some things right. Every day is a new challenge and I either learn from the failures or identify the reasons for success.

What's the blog?
In this blog, I'm going to try and outline the things I've learnt, and try to explain how to implement them, should you the reader find them useful.

I'm aware I'm not the world's best role model. I know I'm not off doing aid work, I know I'm not the CEO of a multi national company. However, I know I'm fundamentally a decent, respectable person that strives to create a harmonious and positive environment around me, as wide reaching as possible, and so far that had brought me from darkness, to a place I'm happy to be. Hopefully what I write in this blog might help you achieve more positivity in your life too.

1. Don't be selfish

Often we're told things like "look after number one" "put yourself first".
While it's all good and well to prioritise personal wellbeing, ask yourself the question "can I achieve what I need to by helping someone else?" this way of thinking is very different from a what's in it for me attitude. By revising the transaction, you priority is focused on somebody else, and the personal gains are a side effect. In business sales used to be achieved by using clever techniques and word play to convince people to buy. These days a much more modern approach is used. Sales people are now consultants and there just to assist the customer. By providing a solution to a customers problem, helping them identify a need and finding something to provide the answer, the goal of the sales person is achieved, but all along the focus has been on helping the customer with their problems.
It's also important to understand that everyone we meet knows something we don't. Every person has a skill or talent we don't. Sometimes we don't know we need something from someone, but we might never know what they could do for us, or how they could add to our lives, unless we engage with them first. By taking the time to listen to someone, by helping them with something or sharing some knowledge with them, we've opened a door to everything they have to offer and the value of our lives and our connections has just increased.
You may be the kind of person that never listens to your own advice, but I guarantee the more times you give advice, the more it will sink in in your own head!